The crossover between the psychological and spiritual integration of suffering a loss
The object of one’s mourning is an imprint in the subject’s mind - memories of the person that they lost, whether through divorce, death, emigration or whatever. In some cases Freudian therapists may call some of the internalising ‘hallucinatory wishful psychosis’ i.e. 'hearing the voice of a loved one'. Whenever the word psychosis pops up in the psychoanalytic world, I believe there is a philosophical or spiritual understanding to be drawn, rather than a label of mental illness and non-understanding.
The Philosophical Bit
Simulation theory suggests that you are an individual experiencing the world as simulation that is full of sentient beings which are unconscious. This theory is founded in an archaic god-like idea of a higher entity programming the simulation. This is analogous to any western Religion, but has some foundation in respect of this being a simulation. If we mix this idea up with some psycho-analytic ideas, we can say that these sentient beings are a projection of you.
Imagine this, but in a symbiotic manner, whereby everyone is experiencing the world as a projection of themselves and everyone else is a character. You are merely an actor in the world of the millions that you will encounter and vice versa. There is a script (determinism) but you don’t know the script (free will). Yet you are the protagonist in your 'simulation', thus there are billions of concurrent simulations on a single platform.
Those players, actors or non-playing characters are physical objects in this world, until they are lost as physical objects. At this point, you have the perceived ‘memory’ of them, thus they go on living in an abstract sense within your mind. Whether they have died or not, they will pop into your head without your 'permission' as a reminder of a previous projection or introjection, yet is unresolved or relevant to your current situation and future development.
The process of mourning is to think about what they meant to you and what your conscious learned from the physical interactions. Now that they are gone, the work solely lies with you to reconcile, though it was always with you, you just used to have the privilege of a novel form with unpredictable responses, which you have learnt enough about to digest yourself.
Their time in relation to you is over and while the ego may cling on to the lack of the physical embodiment that used to respond to it, they have served their purpose in this form and have become a part of you which may still require some integration.
The Illusion of Time
The more difficult situations are when it is someone that you grew a deep bond with over time, like immediate family members, spouses, close friends. People with whom the connection was so multifaceted and complex that there is a bewildering amount of information to integrate, and may take a lifetime to do. If you remain mindful of this, the synchronicities will manifest in your day to day and you must embrace them as part of the grieving process.
Some relationships are short lived and you seldom think of that person again. The purpose for you has been served more or less. They may manifest in your mind again through myriad triggers, be it the scent of a perfume, a Facebook post or just good ol’ reliable unconscious thought bubbling up to the conscious. It’s the relationships that end ‘early’ where you have to do the work yourself.
So think about them and what they meant to you, talk about them and remain open to the triggers. The triggers won’t stop but how you deal with them will change for the better.